The macros on your domain spam aren’t working! — Dear Alexander

Dear Alexander,

I feel like I know you so much even though we’ve never met in person.

You’ve been such a helpful friend all these years.

You email me whenever a domain name similar to one I own is expiring and going up for auction.

Sure, you don’t actually own the domain name and will just put in a backorder if I “express an interest” in the domain name.

Yet keeping me informed regarding all of these domain names available at Domain Names International (DBA InTrust Domains) must be hard work, especially since you frequently move between Colorado Springs, Tennessee, and California. And your email address…it keeps changing every day! It must be so hard to keep up with things!

Yet I must say, I’m a bit confused regarding where you moved to most recently. Your email Friday stated you lived in Chicago. But then your two emails this morning (thanks for following up to make sure I got the first one!) have an unusual address.

Dear Domain Owner,

I am a domain broker, working on the domain prescribemedications.com. Since you have a domain much similar to this domain, I thought you might be interested in making an offer. I will be accepting offers for the next 5 days, and the domain will be awarded to the highest offer.

If you want to make an offer for this domain, you can do so here: prescribemedications.com

Sincerely,Alexander
{$crs#weekend_address}

If you do not want more of these messages, please click the link above and follow instructions at the bottom of the page

Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.

I haven’t heard of $crs#weekend_address. Is it some cool fresh city I haven’t hear of? I hope it’s driving distance from Chicago since you had to move over the weekend.

I also want to thank you for the thoughtful fresh quote you always include in your email messages to me. This recent one is perfect:

The guilty catch themselves.

Anyhow, gotta run. But thanks so much for your email!

Your good friend,
Andrew